I've Been in Love Before
by laadeedah6
Summary: A look into Jack's past, based on a deleted scene between Erica and Jack Season 1


I've been in love before

"What do you know about broken hearts Father?"

"I've been in love before. I wasn't born with this collar."

After Erica left, Jack tried to get back to his research, but his mind was many miles away. He could almost smell the mixture of desert sand and motor oil. Kate had been a soldier, like him. But she had never really fit the typical military woman mold. Sure she always wore her hair shorter and pulled back while wearing the typical baggy ACUs, but she seemed more elegant than most of the other women. She carried herself with a grace that would be found in a high class office job and not as an assistant to the Lt. Colonel in a tent in Afghanistan.

She attended the church services faithfully which was often a distraction for Jack. Her eyes would pierce his heart, even when he was looking elsewhere in the congregation. He hoped his sermons made sense, because his mind would feel so jumbled. One day as Jack was in the mess tent, he felt a hand on his arm. He turned quickly to see her standing there next to him. "Captain," Jack nearly dropped his tray of what he would only describe as grub, "could I ask you a question?" Her voice was soft and fluid.

"Sure," Jack recovered his composure and let her lead him to a table. "What can I help you with?" he took a drink of his coffee and tried not to grimace as the hot liquid seared his tongue.

She nervously twisted her fingers together and looked down at the table. "Well, I am in quite a muddle here. There is this function that the staff is invited to attend, and I really need an escort. I know you are the chaplain and all, but could you accompany me as my date?"

Jack swallowed hard. The tent seemed to grow very quiet as if the entire battalion was awaiting his answer. "Of course," he managed a slight smile as his insides were doing leaps of joy.

She smiled at him, "Great! It will be at 19:00 hours in the Colonel's quarters. Would you like me to meet you somewhere?"

Jack, having been raised by an old-fashioned mother said, "How about I pick you up at your tent?"

"Okay!" She gave him the location of her tent. "Oh, and it's Class A dress." She rose, "I better get back it's kind of crazy right now." Waving and smiling, she walked out of the mess hall. Jack managed a slight wave and a smile as well. He stared at the food, now cold and congealed on his tray. He decided against attempting to choke it down. He quickly deposited its contents in the garbage.

He walked back to his tent grinning and shaking his head. Jack, being a chaplain, wasn't yet a full priest. He had not had the opportunity to take his vows, but he had all the education and requirements the army needed when his unit was mobilized. So it was not inappropriate for him to be escorting a young woman to a party. He arrived at his tent and began to search for the Class A uniform he rarely wore.

At 18:45, Jack stopped in front of what he hoped was the right tent and tapped on the door. Kate emerged in her Class A uniform, which may as well have been a $1000 cocktail dress the way it fit her. She wore her make-up in a glamorous fashion that was very different from 99% of the women around there. "Wow," Jack breathed.

"What?" she asked.

"You look amazing." He blushed slightly at this confession.

She glanced down, looking slightly embarrassed but pleased, "Thank you," she murmured.

Jack offered his arm and they walked over to the party. It was your standard military gathering, the senior officers were chatting with other senior officers. There were a few second Lieutenants who were standing in the corner, tugging at their bow-ties as sweat ran down their temples. The few women who were in attendance were mostly staff as well. They tugged along their escorts as if they were tugging on Labrador retrievers. Jack noticed more than one admiring glance at Kate, but she seemed not to notice. She glanced nervously around and held tighter to Jack's arm. Jack felt the additional pressure and reflexively stood a little taller, walked a little slower. They made small talk with their fellow officers and Kate introduced Jack to some of the senior officers she worked with. Jack couldn't help but feel a bit out of place though. And he sensed she felt the same. After a bit she murmured into his ear, "Let's go for a walk." Jack had to grip his drink a bit more firmly to keep it from spilling onto the ground. He nodded and gently led her out into the cool desert air.

Kate was quiet as they walked outside. Suddenly she turned to him, smiling with her eyes flashing. "I have an idea, let's shed these strait jackets in favor of something more comfortable and meet at your tent in a few minutes." Jack heartily agreed and they hurried giggling like school kids to their quarters. Jack was eager to shed the stuffy uniform. He pulled on some soft jeans and a blue sweatshirt. He had just pulled on his running shoes when he heard her approach his tent and softly tap on his doorway.

"Jack? Are you ready?"

"Yeah, come on in." She pushed the door open and stepped inside. She had put on a light green sweatshirt and jeans. Her hair was falling around her shoulders in deep brown curls. Jack was sure she could hear his heart pounding as he gazed at her. "Nice place," she extended her arms and turned around. "You chaplains get some serious perks."

Jack laughed as he looked at his plain cot, foot locker, standard dresser, and make-shift closet. "What can I say? I know what strings to pull to get the Presidential Suite."

Kate laughed, "Ok Prince Jack, let's go." Jack followed her out. "Where should we go now?"

Jack looked at her puzzled, "I don't know. You wanted to go on the walk."

"Hmm…" Kate stood with a finger to her lips, "how about we walk to Las Vegas?"

"I think we will have to settle for inside the compound, but maybe next time." Jack played into her little game.

She sighed loudly, "Very well then." He instinctively grabbed her hand and they began to walk. They walked for what seemed like hours talking and laughing. She would ask him questions about his family, his background, and he would answer without hesitation. Normally Jack was reticent about his past, but she seemed to have the kind of energy that put him at ease.

He asked her questions about herself as well. He found out she was from a small town in Wisconsin, and her father had been a career military man. Her father had always wanted a son to follow in his footsteps, but since he had all girls, he felt that dream had died. But Kate was always close to her father and had decided on a military career, at least for now.

Before they knew it the curfew siren went off and they were on the other end of the compound. Jack's heart sank. She looked at him with a mischievous grin causing Jack to wonder if she was going to jump the fence. However she slowly turned around. They walked silently back to her tent, hand in hand. When they arrived she looked down at their hands. Jack followed her gaze. It was if they didn't know how to get them apart. She looked up at Jack as the lights in the compound reflected in her eyes. "Thank you for such a wonderful evening." She put her free hand on his cheek. He felt her slightly rub the stubble on his face, sending chills throughout his body. Then he reflexively leaned in and kissed her. She kissed just as he thought she would, soft, gently, but with an intense energy. They stepped back, "Good-bye," she said and let go of his hand.

"Good-night," Jack squeaked out barely audible. Jack walked back to his tent. He lay down on his bed, fully dressed, and looked up at the dead looking canvas. He fell asleep with the smile still on his face.

They were inseparable from then on. When they weren't fulfilling their duties, they were together. Jack had no idea love could be this stimulating, this energizing, this amazing thing that he was experiencing. Kate would be the consummate professional while she was away working. But at night, she was exciting and fun. Jack would count the hours until he could hold her in his arms. Sometimes there would be notes on his pillow when she was busy; he would save every one of them. He would bring her coffee or cute little things from the P Ex. They would spend meal times together and go on long walks around the compound. She would tell funny stories about her day. He would just listen, offering a comment now and then. Kate seemed to know just what he needed to make him happy. He felt like he could read her thoughts.

As Jack went about his job, he began to think about his future as a priest. He began to doubt his ability to take his vows when his tour ended. He knew that he wanted a future with Kate and that everything else would have to fall into place. God would always be a part of his life, he knew that much. But didn't God want him to be happy and raise a family in faith as well?

"Kate, I love you so much," Jack murmured one night as they lay on a blanket on the still warm sand.

Kate smiled. "I love you too," she said as she snuggled under his arm, placing a kiss on his cheek.

One day he was summoned into the Colonel's office. Jack walked into the headquarters and glanced around for Kate. He saw her packing up a box. She turned and saw him, her face uncharacteristically pale. Her eyes widened with recognition and then she smiled. Jack returned the smile with a sly wink as he entered the Colonel's "office".

Jack saluted the Colonel and was offered a seat. "Jack," the gruff man began, "I know you are a chaplain, but you are also a trained medic. Is that right?"

Jack nodded, "Yes sir."

The Colonel continued as if Jack had not acknowledged him at all. "Well I need a medic for this mission. I need to send some of my staff on a convoy under guard. Are you willing to go?"

Jack stiffened. This sounded risky, but he did not have much to say about it. "Yes sir that would be fine sir."

The gruff man answered, "Good then. They leave in 01:00 hours."

Jack went back to his tent and gathered things that he would need. He checked his Kevlar vest, gun, and helmet. He packed his medic bag and the usual standard equipment each soldier was required to have in case of being stranded in the desert.

He arrived at the designated spot and chatted with some of the soldiers who would accompany them. He then decided he needed to say good-bye to Kate. He peeked into her office. No one was there. Jack, finding that unusual, walked around the area a bit. Then he went back to the trucks. He was instructed to ride in the second vehicle with the passengers. He positioned himself to be able to escape quickly if he needed to provide assistance. The passengers entered the vehicle, Kate was among them. She was pale and shaking slightly. Seeing Jack, she smiled and winked at him but did not say anything. Jack concerned, but unable to talk to her because of the conditions in the truck, reached over and gave her arm a gentle squeeze. She seemed to relax a bit after that.

The convoy got underway as scheduled. The lumbering wheels on desert sand caused a bit of swaying making Jack feel slightly nauseous. Once they were on roads it improved immensely. Kate just stared ahead. Jack knew she was scared; these convoys were not safe places to be.

When the explosion hit, Jack was caught off-guard. He checked all the passengers for injury. Then bolted out the door to see what was outside. Rounds were exploding all around him. He saw a man down and immediately dragged him behind the trucks to safety where he could administer first aid. Then he saw another one go down. Jack jumped out calling for assistance. Then he heard a scream that sent a knife into his heart.

He saw a black head duck into the truck where Kate was. Then he saw her being dragged out by her hair. Jack pulled out his gun and yelled at the man. The man pulled out a knife and Jack screamed as he saw the man plunge it into Kate. Jack fired his gun, emptying the clip into the creature. Then Jack ran over to Kate, trying desperately to stop the bleeding. She smiled at him, "Jack," she coughed, "I love you." Then she went limp. Jack knowing that there were others who needed him, gently kissed her, and went to offer assistance to the others. He saw another man dressed in Arab military garb coming at him. Jack shot and brought him down as well. Then he jumped up and attended to the wounded and dying around him. The gunfire had quit, but there was still screaming. Jack went into robot mode, attending to needs but without feeling. When he finished with what he hoped was the last wounded soldier, he walked over to where Kate's body lay. Someone had already put a blanket over her body. He pulled it off with shaking hands. He traced the curve of her cheek with his fingers. He then put his hands under her head, carefully lifted it up, buried his face into her hair, and wept.

Jack jumped when the door opened. "How are things coming?" Father Travis shuffled into the room. Jack's thoughts were immediately propelled into the present.

"Fine, I am nearly finished." He answered quickly rubbing his eyes with his fingers.

"Good, I just wanted to let you know that I am on my way to a parishioner's home. I will return in a few hours."

"Okay Father Travis." Jack looked at his sermon, unable to make sense of what he had just written. He shoved it aside and pulled out his phone. He began to dial Erica's number then paused. He closed the phone and put it in his pocket. Not yet.


End file.
